I watched the movie Bride wars today. I thought it was a really cute movie about brides and how they can turn into bridezillas. I also thought it was a great movie about friendship which is what the movie was really all about. I admit I would love to have a friendship like that where I have this one best friend who I can always count on and who can always count on me. I have not found that yet and sometimes I wonder if I ever will. I do get lonely at times and long for some or at least one girlfriend. I have my online friends and my blogging friends but it is still not the same as having a person to person friendship. I wish I had someone who I could ask to me my bridesmaid or maid of honor but I don’t have that person in my life.

I thought about love today. I remember when I first met my fiance. It was love at first sight and I knew one day I was going to marry him. I truly believe that the Lord brought us together and is the glue that keeps us together. I still have resentments which I am trying to get over. But, we’ve been through so much that in my heart I know we will get through this as well.

I am still coping with my cats death. We buried her today in the back yard. It was not the nicest experience and having to say goodbye. It was like that made it actually real that she is gone. It was very sad.

“Thou shalt love they neighbor as yourself, and this is the greatest commandment of them all.” – Jesus

If you love yourself and respect who you are and your rights then wouldn’t you want other people to have those same rights. I was reading a blog yesterday where a Buddhist was saying how Christians come on so strong and make her feel bad or try to make her feel bad for being a Buddhist and not a christian. But, didn’t the Buddha teach almost the same thing as Jesus?

Now there is a fight about rights should gay people be allowed to get married and call it a marriage? my answer to that question would be yes. Most of the people that are against it are so because they say it is in the bible that being a homosexual person is wrong? Yet does that mean we should not like others because of there race, religion, sexual preference, or gender?

If you love yourself and don’t like others and show every human being the same curtosy and rights that you have then you can not call yourself a christian. If you are not loving others the way Jesus loved us and still loves us you can not call yourself a christian. You are pharisee if you stick to the rigid laws rules instead of pening up your heart in love to those that are different.

The whole point of being christian and any religion for that matter is love. After all Jesus said it was the most important thing. “Now I know in part then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: Faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 cor. 13: 11-13)

You don’t have to agree with people but part of being a true christian is loving people. It is not just spewing out what the bible says or does not say about gays or anyone else for that matter. Being a true christian and true beliver is about loving others. God loves everyone just the same! He does not love you more because you belive ine very word of the bible. He does not love gay people any less because of who they love. Heck God mafe them the way they are for a reason and purpose. If he did not want there to be homsoeuals then he would have made everyone straight. End of problem! God does not make mistakes. If you are straight can you say I choose to e this way? No probably not. I love my fiance with all my heart and he popped into my life and I fell in love like there was no tommorrow. It was not a choice it just happened. I saw this man and my breath was taken away and I was in love. While it’s the same for everyone regardless of who you love or don’t love. Your heart does the leading. So then you are telling people they should deny who they are because you don’t agree with them. But, if God made them and loves them then he is ovbiously not denying who they are. Who we all are!

“People who are stuck here and adhere to RULES that have “An APPEARANCE of wisdom.” ( col 2: 23)

Jesus was saying the pharisees followed all these rules that looked like wisdom. But, that was just an appearance of wisdom. I believe the bible is true and it came from the Lord. But, I also know that it was man written. Based on the times. One of the passages is about an adulterer woman who they where going to stone to death. That was in Jewish Law to stone an adulterer. But, Jesus stopped them from doing it! If we still followed that law tons of people would be stoned to death every day!

Even Jesus did not follow the law. He was spiritual but not religious. He didn’t spute out religious antidotes about what was right and what was wrong he practiced what he preached by showing kindness and love to every human being he encountered. He showed equality to every person he encountered. He did not put one before another or one after because of whatever reason. If we don’t give people there basic rights we are basically saying that we don’t care about Jesus and the fact that he preached on love! We are saying we are no better then a pharisee following strict rules and regimens! Instead of what love is all about!

“They pay little attention to the “more important matters of law- Justice, mercy, and faithfulness.” (Matt 23:23)

Yesterday I finally talked to my fiance about what happened a year ago with that woman. Why she did what she did. At first he didn’t tell me the whole truth he said she liked him and that’s why she did it. But I still wondered why he didn’t contact me and tell me right away. It didn’t make sense to me. Finally he told me he thought he would get more time in prison. He had so many drug charges and other ones he thought he would get 12 years and have to serve 10 1/2. He said he didn’t want to hurt me anymore. Then he went on a drinking and drug binge for that last month. I truly believe he did what he thought was best at the time. He confided in me that he no longer wants to live this lifestyle and vicious cycle of drinking and abusing drugs. I told him that he had the choice to make and the power was in his hands. I said his HP can help him and i will support him 100% if he chooses recovery. So right now I’m just letting go and letting God. A few weeks ago I sensed my HP was telling me to write some articles. I did and now one is being published. It’s coming out December 1st. I’m so excited about that. Thanks for letting me share.

I think it really depends on the people. I’m engaged and am getting married to my fiance when he comes home. By then I will be 22 and he will be 25. But we love each other and have dated for 8 years. I have known about people just out of high school who got married and stayed together there whole lives and some who got divorced because as they got older they grew apart. I’ve heard of people waiting until they where older like 30’s 40’s and stayed together and some got divorced and just didn’t get along anymore or whatever excuse they made. But, when you are in love you are. Marriage is a personal choice. Some people don’t want to get married and some people do. For me I think it is important. I want to take his last name and I want to tell people “this is my husband.”

That’s just my opinion

Today was day 1 of my macrobiotic rice fast. Not that it is a real fast just eating rice and eating as macrobiotic as possible. All these thoughts and feelings and emotions where whirling around me today. All these emotions and thoughts came pouring out of me today both good and bad. I cried I wanted to run away I didn’t want to think anymore but I hung on and I’m glad I did. Instead I decided to embrace my feelings my emotions and my thoughts I decided to face them instead of running away as usual. I know it’s the only way I’ll conquer my life is by facing my life. It was happy and painful. A mix of emotions an array of feelings thoughts flowing But I made it through. I realized I miss my love so much. I already knew that but today I really felt it and I let myself feel it. I didn’t try to contain it or cover it up. It came in many forms. But underneath it all was a longing. I just miss him. Under all the complex emotions it was simple. Then once I realized that all these thoughts came flowing back to me memories really just made me remember why I adore him and love him.

Serendipity

Fate:

The first day I saw my love was the first day of the rest of my life. I knew I was going to marry him one day. I prayed to the lord that if we really where meant to be and he was the one then let me see him outside of school so I can have a reason to talk with him. I saw him at the oberweis and knew it was fate or destiny. I knew that we where meant to spend out lives together. I still know this is true. I remember the first time we spoke. It was a Monday we where standing outside of school it was November a dark and chilly day. I walked up to him and we started chatting. The rest is history as they say. I remember when he gave me a pin he said an angel for my angel. I guess in some ways I am his angel and I love he thinks of me like that. But he is my angel as well in many ways. I remember when he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I was totally shocked we had discussed marriage and getting engaged here and there but I didn’t think he would propose. He did and I said yes of course why wouldn’t I marrying him was my dream after all. Then we shared a kiss. Then one day he asked me to close my eyes and I opened them to find this beautiful ring on my finger. This was concrete now it sealed the deal he wanted to spend his life with me and he still does. I feel so lucky to be his and for him to be mine. Always and forever

Others are affected by what I am say and do. And these others also have the sphere of influence. So what a single act of mine may spread in widening circles thorough a nation or humanity.

W.E. Channing

In all sorts of husks and shells, hard, withered, dead, god sees a goodness we are always missing.

Robert Coyller

This is how I met my baby boy. He is my man. I love him so much. He is my soulmate. I’ve posted about us before and This is an update.

I was reading Mariel Hemingway’s book finding my balance and I’ve heard this many times before in one version or another. About what it’s like when we find our soul mates. I’ve always heard that time stops or slows down and you instantly know you are going to marry that person one day. And that’s exactly the way I felt when I met my fiancé. I first saw him 7 almost 8 years ago. We went to the same school. He was walking out of the building and all of a sudden it was like time just stopped or slowed down and all I could focus on was him. I remember thinking to myself in a passing thought it was nothing I said out loud that one day I was going to Marry him. It seemed odd to me because that was the first time I saw him I hadn’t even spoken to him at that point so it seemed strange me thinking I would marry him. But then I kept seeing him at school and then I thought to myself well the only way I’ll talk to him is if I see him away from school and I prayed to the lord “if I’m meant to be with this man and if I really am meant to marry him then please let me see him somewhere else so that I can talk to him.” Well I was out with some friends one night and we went to Oberweis to get some ice cream. Out of nowhere there he is coming out of the bathroom leaving oberweiss and passed right by us. So that next Monday I spoke to him. We where friends for a year and then we started dating. Now that I ponder it is really does seem like it was all meant to be. I feel like every time I pray about it I get the same answer that he is my soul mate and he is the one.

Each grain of sand is hard, scratchy. It’s rough. Not so pretty. But put all those grains together, all those rough parts, and you have this beautiful beach. This smooth, soft, great beach. When it gets crazy, we have to put the sand together. Take back our own beach. I love you. We’ll keep ourselves on the shore, even when the water’s rough.” Well me and my ex are back together. I finally was able to talk to him. We worked out our problems. But it was like I suspected. It was that bitch out of jealousy im sure of course she told him it was because she thought I was depressing him and his family too but it’s the oppisite. Me and his family are the people that know him better then anyone and we are the ones that are always there for him and the ones that make him happy. She was pretending to be him and stuff hacking into his e-mail account. ugh. I guess he found out and was going to tell me but then all this stuff happend to him and I didn’t find out till today. Our love is like sand and we’ve been through a lot of rough stuff but it’s like they say love keeps two people together. So this rough patch is over for now at least. I haven’t been on the computer in a while because my computer has been broken. It’s working now but I’m not sure for how long to tell you the truth. I have to work all day again tommorrow which sucks and I have a headache from this computer but later I will be taking some art classes with my old teacher so I’m excited about that. I got my hair done too I really like it and when I take pictures and get them developed or load them if I use a digital camera I’ll post them. happy rosh hoshanna everyone. It’s a brand new year tonight in the jewish calenndar. I hope it’s a good year. I worked all day today and was going to go to the art class but couldn’t make it. I will try to go to it next week. I’m eager to get back into my art work. I heard from my boyfriends mom again and she said she didn’t go to court either today but she is still eager to visit him and so am I. She says she will call me again when she knows something. I told her I wrote him a letter and she was shocked I got it done so fast but she said it would be good for him when he get’s it. I guess he still hasn’t gotten his list or he just hasn’t put anyone on it but he has a money order now so he can get paper and envelopes and whatever else he needs. Plus, when he get’s my letter he will see that me and his mom want to visit him so he will at least put us on the list I hope. I’m thinking about asking my neighbor if he wants to meet me at my uncles b-day party. My aunt said I could. My mom asked if he would feel comftorable although he is probably working that day anyway. I know he also goes to church on sunday I have to help with the party though. My mom said I might just be better off asking him if he wants to go to a movie sometime. I’ll see. I’m not listening to music right now because I’m worried my computer will go off. But, I will try in a minute. I haven’t been on reverbnation in ages because of my computer but whatever.

I used to think he was my soulmate. I used to call him my soulmate and he used to call me his. “I like the word soul and I like the word mate but as for the rest I just don’t know.”