Sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself. It was hard for me to be honest with myself about all the junk food I was putting into my body. Making me tired and sluggish. I’m now on day two of macrobiotic eating. I actually enjoy eating this way. It makes me feel better and healthier and it’s not as hard to stick to. Once I went all raw food and that was almost impossible for me to stick to. But, I can stick with macrobiotic. It’s not about a diet or deprivation it’s just about being healthy. i figure I don’t have to be 100% but at least 90% is good. For breakfast I had whole grain cereal and soy milk, lunch was a vegan pot pie, and now I’m having some fruit. For dinner I’ll have some whole grain pasta and veggies. I also have to be honest with myself about not applying for more places. Which, I know I should but I guess the truth of the matter is that none of those jobs are things I really want to do. If I had it my way I would just write. Write books and be a journalist and work from home. I’m not lazy I just feel more rested and I can get tons more done when I’m home. I like feeling productive which I do when I’m writing but on days I work I don’t feel very productive. But, I did make my dentist appointment today. I do need to start taking better care of myself. So being honest with yourself is not necessarily a bad thing because once you are honest with yourself you can make positive changes about your life!

Today is Buddhas Birthday. So happy birthday buddha. I am watching I wanna marry Ryan Banks! It’s a cute movie on lifetime about an actor who is getting a b rating and goes on a dating reality show! Emma Caulfield is a great actress! I ate a healthy dinner of salad and chicken! Gearing up for my macrobiotic diet tomorrow. I’m actually looking forward to it. Off to bed…

Today I felt terrible! I have been so tired and sluggish lately. I think my gum has an infection. There is mold in my basement. But, today I decided I am going to take an active role in my happiness. I am going to do a two day macrobiotic rice fast. I did it before for three days and it was amazing! So I’m ready to do it again! Then I’m going to eat macro foods. For at least a week and see how I’m feeling I might do it for longer depending. But, then I was gonna do a raw food cleanse diet. And then just eat healthy. I just want to desludge my body right now. I’ve been eating way too much junk food and all those chemicals are really making me sick! So enough is enough! Starting tonight though I am going to eat a healthy dinner. Some salad with chicken. Yum! I’m glad the ice cream is gone! If I’m still hungry I’ll have some fruit. I’m not trying to lose weight even though I haven’t weighed myself so I have no idea what my weight is right now. Last time I got on the scale it was still the same. I haven’t been overeating just eating more junk. Which is not making me gain weight yet but it is making me sick or adding to whatever is already wrong with me. I also updated my passions. Which I will update in my blogs. So check them out when you get a chance. Here’s to playing an active role in our happiness! Cheers with water!

Today was day 1 of my macrobiotic rice fast. Not that it is a real fast just eating rice and eating as macrobiotic as possible. All these thoughts and feelings and emotions where whirling around me today. All these emotions and thoughts came pouring out of me today both good and bad. I cried I wanted to run away I didn’t want to think anymore but I hung on and I’m glad I did. Instead I decided to embrace my feelings my emotions and my thoughts I decided to face them instead of running away as usual. I know it’s the only way I’ll conquer my life is by facing my life. It was happy and painful. A mix of emotions an array of feelings thoughts flowing But I made it through. I realized I miss my love so much. I already knew that but today I really felt it and I let myself feel it. I didn’t try to contain it or cover it up. It came in many forms. But underneath it all was a longing. I just miss him. Under all the complex emotions it was simple. Then once I realized that all these thoughts came flowing back to me memories really just made me remember why I adore him and love him.

Serendipity

Fate:

The first day I saw my love was the first day of the rest of my life. I knew I was going to marry him one day. I prayed to the lord that if we really where meant to be and he was the one then let me see him outside of school so I can have a reason to talk with him. I saw him at the oberweis and knew it was fate or destiny. I knew that we where meant to spend out lives together. I still know this is true. I remember the first time we spoke. It was a Monday we where standing outside of school it was November a dark and chilly day. I walked up to him and we started chatting. The rest is history as they say. I remember when he gave me a pin he said an angel for my angel. I guess in some ways I am his angel and I love he thinks of me like that. But he is my angel as well in many ways. I remember when he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I was totally shocked we had discussed marriage and getting engaged here and there but I didn’t think he would propose. He did and I said yes of course why wouldn’t I marrying him was my dream after all. Then we shared a kiss. Then one day he asked me to close my eyes and I opened them to find this beautiful ring on my finger. This was concrete now it sealed the deal he wanted to spend his life with me and he still does. I feel so lucky to be his and for him to be mine. Always and forever

Others are affected by what I am say and do. And these others also have the sphere of influence. So what a single act of mine may spread in widening circles thorough a nation or humanity.

W.E. Channing

In all sorts of husks and shells, hard, withered, dead, god sees a goodness we are always missing.

Robert Coyller

Tomorrow I’m going to start 3 day macrobiotic rice fast. I’m doing it more for spiritual reasons then weight loss. I hear it’s like meditating for 3 years straight only without the actual meditation. I am intrigued by this concept so I thought I would give it a whirl. I’m excited to start this journey. Now I’m not saying I’ll stick to it 100% lord knows I’m not perfect and I’ve got my whims. So we shall see but I will still try to stay as macrobiotic as possible. I want to get the full effects but I’m a little worried about what thoughts and emotions will come out. I hear it clears up a lot of the mental clutter and really makes you think and feel. I’m wondering if this is good or bad. But I’m excited to see what comes out of me these next few days.

I went to see sex and the city tonight. I LOVED it. It is defiantly like the show. Lots of girl talk and sex and very inspiring in many ways Carrie inspired me to write. But it made me miss my man. I don’t want to give it away but let’s say it reminded me a lot of my relationship with Carrie and Big and I hope we have the same happy ending but I feel like we will.

OK so I’ve been on this quest trying to find myself and fine my freedom. Freedom is a strange thing. You see people who are not free like prisoners for instance and people in foreign countries at least some who have no rights. But then you see people who could have all the freedom in the world. Freedom to love who you want. Freedom to do what you want. But yet so many people still feel so trapped. I myself am/was one of those people. I looked for freedom everywhere. I looked for in religion, I looked for it in churches, I looked for it in self help books. But then I realized freedom does not come from anything it comes from ourselves. I started going macrobiotic most of the time and it really opened up my eyes. It is after all about freedom…

Here is a prayer I found that I wanted to share.
Dear God, I give this day to you. May my mind stay centered on the things of spirit. May I not be tempted to stray from love as I begin this day I open to receive you. Please enter where you already abide. May my mind and heart be pure and true and may I not deviate from the things of goodness. May I see the love and innocence in all mankind, behind the masks we all wear and the illusions of this worldly plane? I surrender to you my doings this day. I ask that I only serve your and the healing of the world. May I bring your love and goodness with me? To give unto others wherever I go Make me the person you would have me be. Direct my footsteps, and show me what you would have me do. Make the world a safer, more beautiful place. Bless all your creatures. Heal us all, and use me, dear lord that I might know the joy of being used by you. Amen
Taken from the foreword from the best life diet by Bob Greene which was taken from Illuminata: a book of prayers by Marianne Williamson.

started the macrobiotic diet not totally but am trying to get into the swing of things. They say it’s not good to go full force anyway you have to implement new changes slowly. I really like the macrobiotic because it’s not just about what you eat which are mostly whole grains and vegetables but there is no such thing as depriving yourself if your body needs something then you eat it. The philosophy behind the macrobiotic is the yin and yang and Taoism. I have always been interested in different religions and spirituality and I am a Christian but I love that it combines philosophy with eating right. It’s so interesting and it’s not about what you believe because there is one higher power no matter what you call that power. It’s about getting in tune with that higher power which I think is fascinating. It’s about freedom which I’ve been striving for. Freedom to choose

I’m also started Mariel Hemingway’s book finding my balance. I also find it fascinating because it combines the spiritual with the way you eat. How all things connect? What you eat your exercise your silent or meditation time and your home. There is this contract in the beginning that I made to myself today and I want to write it here.
I agree to be kind to myself the four weeks following these suggestions. I agree to put myself first. To treat myself with compassion and patience I would treat a close friend. To drop the harsh criticism I put on myself when I look in the mirror or eat something bad or I am not perfect at everything I do. I agree to act like I am my own best friend. If I catch myself saying something mean to myself I pledge to ask myself would I say this to my best friend.

Taken from Healthy living from the inside out by Mariel Hemingway