I realize that my boyfriend feels guilt for his drinking and addictions and if I scold him for it that doesn’t solve the issue it just makes us both feel guilty and bad. I have to remember the 3 C’s I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it. I need to put my boyfriends addictions and problems in my higher powers hands. I’ve been trying to do that more and more lately and things have been good when I step back and stop judging and trying to control.

The other day I had a really bad sugar binge and the next day I was crying uncontrollably. I felt ugly and really worthless. But, I went to work and made it through the day and now i’m back on day 5 of being abstinent. I am feeling really good about eating healthy foods and nourishing my body and having a plan just trying to eat healthy foods for my body and my soul as well.

I started reading “Love to eat, hate to eat” by Elyse Fitzpatrick and that describes the way I feel about food. I enjoy food but I also hate eating because I tend to reach for the sugar and junk which leads to binges and overeating which leads to weight gain. The other day I got on the scale and it was the heaviest I’ve ever weighed. I was in complete and utter shock and felt completely disgusted with myself. So I am eating better and following a healthy eating plan. I need to learn to deal with my emotions in a better way then by eating to cope with all the stress. I think I turned to food because things have been so stressful for me lately so now I’m trying to turn to other better ways to cope. Exercising, journaling, and spending time with God. I feel like those are really helping me to deal with these issues. I’ve already lost 10 pounds of course most it I think was water weight but I’m feeling great about that.

I read the book “deal breakers” By Dr. Bethany Marshall. I thought the book was very insightful about the different personalities of guys. How to handle them and how they react to situations. I think it is important to be respected in any relationship and I think that’s what the author was really trying to covey. If you are always miserable and nothing seems to be getting better then what is the point of continuing in something when there could be something better out there. At times it seemed like she was being very antagonistic about men and not all men are bad or disrespect women. Even men that have issues I think a majority of them are not trying to be mean or disrespectful but they don’t always get it because they think differently then women do. I think it really depends on what you can and can not live with. If you accept the situation for the way it is and hope for change but accept that it might not and stay then that is a choice to be made. If you are constantly trying to change the guy or yourself then that is not a good healthy situation to be in regardless of the circumstances. I think that is what she was trying to say throughout the book. Overall I liked it and did find it to be informative into relationships. From a women’s perspective about dating.

I realize I’ve been in a self pity mode lately. That is not the place I want to be in. So I am going to try to think more positive. I also need to help build up my self esteem. I’ve been hearing a lot lately about loving oneself. That is something I’m currently working on doing. I don’t think I have all the answers and for a long time I have been down on myself. Now it is not about trying to be perfect because that is impossible but it’s about loving me for me.

I went to church today and at the end of the service the man behind me farted. I did not laugh or say anything because in the moment it was inappropriate. But, I have to admit I did chuckle after we left the service. I am not judging the man because we all have bodily functions and he was older. But, I have to say it was a funny moment and it put a smile on my face. Who would have thought something like that would have happened? My mom gave me some food for thought today. The sermon was about how where God is there can be no evil and we just have to have faith. I admit I don’t think my faith has been as strong as it could be lately and I realize I’ve been letting things get to me more then I should. In the sermon some scriptures jumped out at me that relate to what I’m going through and gave me courage and some positive food for thought today.

“Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27

“Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all we that hope in the Lord.” Psalm 31:24

Then I randomly opened up my bible and came across this passage. I wonder what it’s trying to tell me?
“It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night anxiously working for food to eat. For God gives rest to his loved ones.” Psalm 127:24

I have wanted to read this book for such a long time. I finally read it. It is really interesting about how we all have different love languages. I took the quiz and my number one was words of affirmation. which made sense to me because I love being spoken of kindly and given words of encouragement. My second was physical touch was is also true because I realize I love to hold my boyfriends hands and kiss him. I also love to hug my mom and that’s a way I show my love so it makes sense that is a way I would receive love as well. My third was personal time. I love to just sit and talk with my boyfriend for hours and my mom as well. Sometimes we usually have our nightly chats. I thought the book was really interesting and weather you are relating to kids, your spouse, a parent, or whoever this book can really improve your relationships.