I realize that my boyfriend feels guilt for his drinking and addictions and if I scold him for it that doesn’t solve the issue it just makes us both feel guilty and bad. I have to remember the 3 C’s I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it. I need to put my boyfriends addictions and problems in my higher powers hands. I’ve been trying to do that more and more lately and things have been good when I step back and stop judging and trying to control.

The other day I had a really bad sugar binge and the next day I was crying uncontrollably. I felt ugly and really worthless. But, I went to work and made it through the day and now i’m back on day 5 of being abstinent. I am feeling really good about eating healthy foods and nourishing my body and having a plan just trying to eat healthy foods for my body and my soul as well.

I started reading “Love to eat, hate to eat” by Elyse Fitzpatrick and that describes the way I feel about food. I enjoy food but I also hate eating because I tend to reach for the sugar and junk which leads to binges and overeating which leads to weight gain. The other day I got on the scale and it was the heaviest I’ve ever weighed. I was in complete and utter shock and felt completely disgusted with myself. So I am eating better and following a healthy eating plan. I need to learn to deal with my emotions in a better way then by eating to cope with all the stress. I think I turned to food because things have been so stressful for me lately so now I’m trying to turn to other better ways to cope. Exercising, journaling, and spending time with God. I feel like those are really helping me to deal with these issues. I’ve already lost 10 pounds of course most it I think was water weight but I’m feeling great about that.

I read the book “deal breakers” By Dr. Bethany Marshall. I thought the book was very insightful about the different personalities of guys. How to handle them and how they react to situations. I think it is important to be respected in any relationship and I think that’s what the author was really trying to covey. If you are always miserable and nothing seems to be getting better then what is the point of continuing in something when there could be something better out there. At times it seemed like she was being very antagonistic about men and not all men are bad or disrespect women. Even men that have issues I think a majority of them are not trying to be mean or disrespectful but they don’t always get it because they think differently then women do. I think it really depends on what you can and can not live with. If you accept the situation for the way it is and hope for change but accept that it might not and stay then that is a choice to be made. If you are constantly trying to change the guy or yourself then that is not a good healthy situation to be in regardless of the circumstances. I think that is what she was trying to say throughout the book. Overall I liked it and did find it to be informative into relationships. From a women’s perspective about dating.

I’ve been thinking a lot about being kind to others and they way I treat people. Also the fact that I’ve let others treat me in ways that are not appropriate. I know sometimes it can a hard thing to do. With my aunt she is very pushy and I worry about starting an argument if I try to tell her I don’t want to do something or I don’t want to be treated a certain way. But, I’m finding when I show I have respect enough for myself and say “that behavior is not appropriate.” And detach with love as much as I possibly can. It really helps the situation in dealing with people. Also I do think if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all is an appropriate term. I think there would be much more peace and respect in families if this was the case at least in my family. I’m not sure I agree with the phrase “fake being happy until you are.” I feel like apart of my issues have been putting on a cover and acting like I’m all right when underneath I’m really not. Around some people like strangers I of course try to at least be cordial. I try to respect my family members and some I do “Fake it.” I’m not sure if that helps me or not but at this point I would say it really doesn’t help. I feel like there is less then a handful of people in my family I can really open up too because I never know when I’ll be criticized for having an opinion, being myself, or saying what’s on my mind. Thanks for letting me share. Take what you like and leave the rest.

I finished the book “why men love bitches?” I didn’t agree with everything the author suggests in the book. But, I do agree with her main points. Men don’t like neediness. they like to be wanted but not latched on to like your life depends on them. I could relate to that. I can get very needy in relationships and I do think it drives men away. She says you shouldn’t do things for a guy like cook for him all the time which, I disagree with. I think they are ways of showing your guy you care about him. I send cards and love notes to my guy all the time and he loves it. It makes him feel special. I do agree you should not change your whole life around for a guy. something I’ve also been guilty of. Changing my schedule and canceling plans or forgoing plans because I was waiting for a phone call or to see my boyfriend. It usually ended up with me being disappointed. So now I’ve got a clue and realize I need to keep putting myself first and maintaining my life. I think the title is completely wrong for the book though. Men don’t like bitches and women that are mean or high maintenance they like independence.

I try to be kind to strangers and friends. With my family I admit I do sometimes take liberties and with my boyfriend. I give them an attitude or even end up arguing with them. I feel like my aunt when I react that way. She is kind and loving to strangers but to her family she is always very cold and nasty. Sometimes my grandma is the same way. But, I am trying to learn how to be consciously kind and to really treat my family and myself the way I would treat others. It is not always easy especially with family. Would I rather be happy or right? I like being right but not as the cost of my peace and serenity. I think for me being happy is a much better choice. Thanks for letting me share. Take what you like and leave the rest.

I finished reading act like a lady, think like a man. I found it to be very informative about how men think. The biggest message I got from it was if you want a man to respect you then you have to respect yourself and tell the guy what is acceptable and not acceptable way for you to be treated. He also hit on the fact that women are scared of sticking up for themselves out of fear they will lose the relationship or the guy won’t like them anymore but if that’s the case then he is not worth it anyway. I recently stuck up for myself. It was scary but I realized it was the right thing to do. Men want respect but so do women. If a man wants to be respected then he has to respect back. Relationships are not one sided it takes two to maintain the relationship. Also what Steve wrote about men being scared of commitment because that means they have to work hard at it and I understand that. Women think in happily ever after and relationships especially marriage is not easy. That was something he said in the book but I do think it is the truth. If you want a man to marry you set a date. I told my fiance the moment he get’s home we are getting married. He already said that he would do it.

Happy Halloween! I hope everyone had a good day. Mine was so so. I am still having back pain and had to work. It was very slow today but I did finish reading a book. I am realizing I need to start taking better care of myself. My clothes are getting tighter on me which is very embarrassing for me as I’ve been the same size for years even with my bad habits. But, I am going to feed my spiritual self with this program and my higher power. I’m going to start exercising again and eating better. I need to take care of myself which is something I’ve been neglecting. When I was thinking of this today the slogan that came into my mind was “first things first.” So first thing is first I have to take care of my well being. On Monday when I saw my counselor a lot came out in the open about my feelings. For a long time my codependency has ruled my life. I’ve felt like without certain things or people my life would fall apart. But, I’m trying to get stronger so I don’t feel that way anymore. We also talked about me doing some inner child healing because of a lot of issue from when I was younger that really affect me today like my fears of abandonment and trying to be perfect so I can keep people around and wanting people to need me so they don’t leave me. One day at a time. Thanks for letting me share. Take what you like and leave the rest.

I finished reading the book Resilience from Elizabeth Edwards today. I thought her story was so touching. I think it showed we all go through changed both good and bad in our lives and it’s how we get through them that make us stronger people. I was sad and touched when she talked about her son’s death. I have felt loss of my godfather and other relatives. I love how she said we all grieve in different ways and what works for me might not work for you or vica versa. She talked about her battle with breast cancer. I think it takes so much strength to battle an illness like that and then to find out you are going to die from it but still just trying to be strong and live your life to the fullest instead of giving up. Then when she talked about her husbands affair I felt her betrayal she felt and anger. I also felt her deep love and commitment to her husband. I could relate to that feeling.

I read this book from Robin Mcgraw. I actually finished it in a few days. Like in three days. It is such an interesting book. I love the title that says what’s age? I mean really? I think society puts so much pressure on people especially women that when you get to a certain age you have to stop doing things or doing different things. Why? We are all different people. What works for one person might not work for another and vice versa. Robin is so funny and is a great storyteller. I was moved by her book and think it is a fascinating read. Even though I’m 22 this is information I can take with me throughout my life. It’s like getting advice from your best friends mother who has been there and done that and wants to pass it on to every women she can. This is a must read book no matter what stage or age you are currently in.

I just finished this book. I thought the concepts where really interesting. “We have loved different people, knelt at different graves, prayed at different alters. the specifics of desire are unique to each one of us. Yet if you follow the chain of desire, in the end we are all the same. We want to be happy. We want to be fulfilled. We want meaning and purpose in our lives. We want a sense of connection with God or spirit. We want other people to respect and love us. And we want to feel safe. These desires are universal. But, the road each of us takes to satisfy them individually and from our individual experiences and memories or karma.”

I just finished reading this book after reading the Celestine prophesy. I find so many points that I can relate to. I hope you check this book out if you are interested in spiritual truths. Here are just a few examples of what I related to:

“At some point, we have been participating in a group listening intently but when we feel a burst of energy as we received an idea, an insight or point of clarity for the topic at hand. There is a pause as the energy shifts our way, but instead of speaking up, we hesitate.”

This is what happened to me the other day I was in a group setting and it got silent. I was too shy and scared to speak up and then someone else spoke up. After that I was not able to get a word in. So if I had taken the chance at the beginning I would have been able to speak what was on my mind. That was a lesson for me.

“Often one of the fastest ways of regaining our inner divine connection when we feel separated it to uplift someone else.”

I find this to be so true. whenever I am down there is nothing better then extending a hand to someone else and letting them know how much I appreciate them. It’s amazing just what a hug or handshake and a few kind words can really do to lift someone’s spirits. I know that means the world to me. It makes me feel loved and appreciated.

“A coincidental crossing of paths can occur at any time, but usually won’t happen unless we are willing to take the initiative ourselves.”

I had this experience yesterday when I ran into a friend randomly. But, I said something and then she gave me a hug and said we should get together for lunch.

“We will find that most synchronicity comes to us via truths of other human beings.”

I think this is so true. That’s why I like to blog and write because hopefully something I say will help and make a difference for or to someone else. That’s also why I created spiritual cafe. For sharing spiritual wisdom which you can find at www.faithhopegrace.ning.com

“If we are open and alert, someone will show up with a timely truth we need to hear. The key to receiving the information is never fail to explore these encounters, taking, of course responsible precautions for safety.”

I find that is so true. Sometimes when I’m having a bad day or something else is going on in my life someone will say something to me or I’ll read something and have a complete “Aha” Moment.

“love ends and evolves into a power struggle because we begin to depend on energy from each other, rather then from our own inner connection with the divine.”

I have to agree completely with him on this. It seems like relationships struggle when we try to get things from other people. Love, attention, or whatever. But, when I put the focus back on myself and my higher power things just seem to work out the way they are supposed to and everything turns out for the best. In love and friend relationships. We have to rely on god to supply us our needs instead of another human being who can’t be perfect. Just as we are not perfect.

“The more love and energy we give, the more rapidly the synchronistic messages come to us, and the more creative, effective, and inspiring will be our individual lives.”

“Once enough of us understand how tithing works and experientially prove that the principle of tithing works, we will embrace this process fully, synchronically giving a percentage of our income to the sources we feel urged to support. In the same way, opportunities and finances will come right back to us, quite magically, congruent with our expectation.”

“The near death phenomenon confirms that there is only one divine force in the universe, and this force is positive.”

“The fact is, life here on earth is all about becoming more aware of our spiritual nature.”

“Step by step we are becoming more aware that we are spiritual beings slowly evolving a spiritual reality on this planet.”

No matter what your career or future goals and dreams I highly recommend this book. It gave me so many insights into work and career and how to get ahead so to speak. There are some things I really gained from it and found to be very inspiring to me. Here are some of the examples from the book:

“Though I have dreams and walk in my life purpose, there is no way to possibly grasp the breadth and Depth of what I am becoming.”

I feel like with every step I take I am getting closer to my dreams and goals. – Me

“I believe that God is in charge of everything and that his greater plans will ultimately prevail. In fact, one of the gifts That belief affords me is the realization of life’s little twists and turns, trials and errors, are truly some of the best gifts though I could not choose them for myself, later on I am grateful for each of them.” -the book

That is the way I feel. Like when my basement flooded and even though it was terrible. I made a choice to then go on and move to a different room which, I know I probably would not have done otherwise and now I believe it’s all working out for the best.- Me

“More grows in the garden than the gardener knows he has sown.” -Spanish Proverb

It’s amazing how we can touch other people. Just today I got an email from someone saying that what I had written really encouraged her and those where the words she needed to hear at that moment. I imagine the people I can touch and help and not even realize all the good I do in this world. I am glad to be a blessing to others and I know others are a blessing to me as well.- Me

“You are the only person on earth who can use your ability” – Zig zigler

I am so touched to have my abilities. I am not saying I’m great but I’m slowly figuring out myself and what I’m good at. I want to use the talents I’ve been blessed with mainly to help other people and let others know they are not alone. – Me

“We should instead look for moments of exchange with people who offer nuggets of wisdom that we can apply. I have found this concept to work brilliantly in a variety of ways. Not only so I seek these moments with a variety of people. But, I am find I’m mentor via articles, books I read, and by leaders I observe and admire from a distance, sometimes even through conversations I overhear in a bus or on the train. All of these sources Briefly mentor me in ways I want and need for my personal life and career.” -The book

I find that I can get so much inspiration and encouragement from other people. When we take the time to focus on others and get out of our own heads it’s amazing how much we can learn. That’s why I love listening. But, I write because I know that helps people and I talk when I think I have something someone can glean from me.-me

“A few simple changes in your daily routine can improve the quality of your life. from now on when you read a book, make the author your mentor and always read with a pen in your hand. As you get used to reading with a pen in hand, you begin to cultivate the habit of taking notes of things you actually think, in addition to what you thought you read. We must learn to read, But only to get our own minds in motion and start our thought process.”-Charlie Jones

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience and trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened and success achieved.” -Helen Keller

“Do what you need to do to get out of what you don’t like. If you stay too long, you get disillusioned and it negatively impacts your work. That really ends up hurting you not the company or the position. But you do what you need to do in your current role, but aggressively look outside that role for other opportunities.” -The book

I finished reading this book last week. It is about all these insights we get from life, others, and our higher power. I found it to be really interesting. Some points I found to be interesting where when they say when others are negative or have an attitude towards us they are trying to steal our energy. I found this to be really interesting. I also found it to be interesting when the book was talking about relationships and why we relate to some people and have a connection with them but not others. Also it inspired me to start going to groups and to connect with new people. I also called my friend who I thought was getting married and did not invite me but it turns out the relationship did not last. So I’m sorry for my friend but I’m glad to know she was not blowing me off. Also they say every experience is a lesson or has some wisdom to glean from it. I think that’s why my whole flooding situation worked out for the best and getting sick. Although I’m not sure the exact purpose for these things but I know there must be some lesson or reason underneath it all.

Today I went out and applied for some new jobs. It felt like a relief and I felt peace about it. It is time for me to move on and away from my aunt. I feel like I’m moving in a positive direction. I’ve been dealing with grief over the loss of my godfather and pets. Especially around this time of year the monsters from the past seem to creep up. But, I am having good memories too. I am trying to not dwell on the negative. I told my grandma that I was thinking about quitting working for my aunt. She said “we are barely getting by as it is! And I said what’s more important money or my physical, mental, and emotional well being? She said “i guess that is true, but it might take you a long time to find another job and at least you working for her gives you enough money to buy your own groceries.” I think she was purposely trying to make me feel guilty and guilt trip me into staying working for my aunt. Guiltier then I already feel for wanting to leave. But, at the same time I really do feel like I have to do what’s best for me and I know staying in this environment is not what’s best for me. I’ve been reading the Celestine prophesy and today I read that when people are getting into your head and stealing your energy and I think that is what my aunt does to me which, is why I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be around her. I just don’t feel as productive. I’ve been reading the passion test and the secret and it says to focus on the positive aspects of a person. I do admire my aunt for being a business woman and creating her own business and taking those risks. I hope to one day start my own business as well. My godfathers mother has breast cancer. They gave her a lump ectamy and she will be getting radiation but she is like a grandma to me so I’m still worried about her health. But, it seems like she will pull through.