Today was day 1 of my macrobiotic rice fast. Not that it is a real fast just eating rice and eating as macrobiotic as possible. All these thoughts and feelings and emotions where whirling around me today. All these emotions and thoughts came pouring out of me today both good and bad. I cried I wanted to run away I didn’t want to think anymore but I hung on and I’m glad I did. Instead I decided to embrace my feelings my emotions and my thoughts I decided to face them instead of running away as usual. I know it’s the only way I’ll conquer my life is by facing my life. It was happy and painful. A mix of emotions an array of feelings thoughts flowing But I made it through. I realized I miss my love so much. I already knew that but today I really felt it and I let myself feel it. I didn’t try to contain it or cover it up. It came in many forms. But underneath it all was a longing. I just miss him. Under all the complex emotions it was simple. Then once I realized that all these thoughts came flowing back to me memories really just made me remember why I adore him and love him.

Serendipity

Fate:

The first day I saw my love was the first day of the rest of my life. I knew I was going to marry him one day. I prayed to the lord that if we really where meant to be and he was the one then let me see him outside of school so I can have a reason to talk with him. I saw him at the oberweis and knew it was fate or destiny. I knew that we where meant to spend out lives together. I still know this is true. I remember the first time we spoke. It was a Monday we where standing outside of school it was November a dark and chilly day. I walked up to him and we started chatting. The rest is history as they say. I remember when he gave me a pin he said an angel for my angel. I guess in some ways I am his angel and I love he thinks of me like that. But he is my angel as well in many ways. I remember when he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I was totally shocked we had discussed marriage and getting engaged here and there but I didn’t think he would propose. He did and I said yes of course why wouldn’t I marrying him was my dream after all. Then we shared a kiss. Then one day he asked me to close my eyes and I opened them to find this beautiful ring on my finger. This was concrete now it sealed the deal he wanted to spend his life with me and he still does. I feel so lucky to be his and for him to be mine. Always and forever

Others are affected by what I am say and do. And these others also have the sphere of influence. So what a single act of mine may spread in widening circles thorough a nation or humanity.

W.E. Channing

In all sorts of husks and shells, hard, withered, dead, god sees a goodness we are always missing.

Robert Coyller

Happy labor day everyone! I hope you are having a fun time. I had to work for part of the time today. That sucked. Who wants to work on labor day? my guess is probably no one that’s why it’s called labor day and it’s a holiday. Anyway, I have tommorrow and wensday off so that’s good I have to work on thursday and I have friday off but I am working on saturday as for sunday I’m not sure yet. I’m excited though because I get to have my hair done sometime this week most likely thursday so I’m looking forward to getting that done and maybe making a good change in my life will make me feel a bit better.

Last night I went to a bar but I knew I had to work today so I didn’t drink anything. I stuck to diet coke even though I was dying for a beer or to put some vodka or rum or something in the coke. But since I’m not working tommorrow I probably will have a drink or two.

I want love. I had love and lost it. But it’s something I would like to think I still belive in and something I do really want back in my life. Love: noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

–noun ..> 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
Angel: I want an angel on my shoulder. I want an angel looking out for me in heaven. I think my godfather and dog that passed are my angels. I want an angel here on earth. My mom is like my angel and I’m like hers. I thought he was my angel but now I don’t think so anymore. noun ..> 1. one of a class of spiritual beings; a celestial attendant of God. In medieval angelology, angels constituted the lowest of the nine celestial orders (seraphim, cherubim, thrones, dominations or dominions, virtues, powers, principalities or princedoms, archangels, and angels).

Music: without music I think I would die. Music and writing is the only thing that keeps me going. Music is like my air. noun ..> 1. an art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and color.

Baby: I want my baby back. I want a new baby. Literally one day I do want to have a baby but not right now. lol. noun ..> 1. an infant or very young child.
..> ..> 2. a newborn or very young animal.

..> ..> b. a person of whom one is deeply fond; sweetheart.
..> ..>
I’m shocked and suprised that I talked to my ex’s mom today and he wants to see me. I’m relived and happy about that but also confused and scared. I’m listeing to buckcherry everything because he was my everything and I can’t sleep at night sometimes because I miss him. I just want to talk to him and write him letters. I’ll start to cry sometimes. I want to be his everything.