I talked to my boyfriend and everything is really good. He mentioned drinking when he gets home but I just detached with love and didn’t get angry over something I know I have no control over. He goes through times where he says he will drink and other times when he says he will stop. But, I know getting mad won’t solve anything. All I can do is love him right now. I thought he didn’t want to live with me so I never called the prison about him paroling here but tonight he asked me if I had yet and that he does want me too. So I am going to call because in my heart that’s what I really want.

I need to call and make a doctors appointment to get my anti depressants refilled since the clinic I was going to is no longer accepting people without insurance. I have been putting it off but I know I need to do what is best for me. I am learning a lot about acceptance lately. I love my boyfriend and am learning I am powerless over situations and I have to accept that. I was talking to my boyfriend and he was saying “do you want me to teach you how to drive? I said “no” He said “why” I said “Because I’m scared of running someone over.” He said “Well if I teach you to drive a stick shift you’ll probably feel more in control.” And I realize that’s what it is about wanting to be in control but I have to accept that I can’t always be in control. Only of myself but no one else.

I watched “I love you man.” It was actually a hilarious movie. I really liked it. It also reminded me of my isolation and why it is so important to have friends. I think a part of my problem is I’m just not sure where to find friends. There is a church group and I want to go to it but I get so nervous and do keep coming up with excuses. I know that is my isolation and fear talking.