I’m still not feeling so well. I’m not sure if I’m going to work tomorrow. At least I know it’s not swine flue. No 103 degree fever.

I’m watching closing the ring a romantic epic. With Misha Barton. Pretty good! Then I’m getting my cold pack my neck is killing me! and offf to bed. I want to try to get to bed early tonight. I really need the rest and sleep!

Today I got a call from my fiance. I could tell he was upset. But, I just listened to him and detached with love. I tried to help him as best as I could but I had to realize that I have no control over what he does or does not do because he just like me and everyone else has to make there own choices. We had a good conversation and I communicated my feelings to him in a positive way and he responded back in the same way. Detaching with love from my aunt was a bit more difficult for me to do today. She left for some of the day but even dealing with her over the phone felt like torture. I already started the day with resentment from not being paid the day before and I still was not paid today. Which, was and is super frustrating for me. But, today I supposedly got a bonus so hopefully she actually gives it to me. To make matters worse I am feeling really ill. I am just trying to rest right now and am starting to feel a little bit better. I’m not sure if I will feel up to going to work tomorrow or not. I was supposed to have dinner plans with my aunt and her friend Alicia for Alicia birthday. I feel bad I could not celebrate Alicia birthday with her but it really was for a good reason because I do need to take care of me.

I always have wanted to be in a leadership role. But, every time I try to step up at work my aunt always has to put it down or ignore it. I really don’t like being controlled and I would love to step in the shoes the role of leadership. when I get an opportunity to lead I tend to shy away from it like it’s the plague. But, I really want to take on a leadership role and maybe one day I will.

I never really thought of my weaknesses being strengths. But, now I realize they are actually. I am shy and that has always made it hard for me to speak up and speak my mind. But, I recently wrote a blog that I submitted to a local newspaper and I plan on submitting it to a few other places as well. in the past I would have been too shy and too afraid to speak my mind. I worry what people might think. I know that stems from my childhood but now that I’m older I have a right to speak my mind and what’s most important is what I think. I can take my weaknesses and turn them into strengths and turn them into something positive. My aunt did not pay me today so I was tempted to get frustrated by that but then I just thought of how the Lord is supplying me with my every need. That my aunt will pay me because that is the right thing to do and she will do the right thing. I also was feeling very ill yesterday and with all this news of the swine flu it made me very concerned. But then I realized that is just based on fear and not reality. I woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible migraine and was worried I would not get back to sleep but I just began praying and closing my eyes and just focusing that I was OK and I would make it to work today. This morning I woke up and am feeling back to normal.

We could not keep Joaquin. He already had a home and his real name is Hercules and they call him coco for a nickname I guess. I was very sad to see him go as I was really hoping we could keep him. Although the cats are very happy the dog is gone they where getting very stressed and frustrated by him being here. I know in the end it all worked out for the best but I am still disappointing. My mom is really irked at the guy who brought the dog over insisting it did not have a home only to find out today that is did. It was so nice to have a dog even if it was only for one night. But, it also reminded me how much work they can be having to take it out all the time. I am sad and relived to see the dog go back home where it belongs. Maybe I will be able to visit who knows.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=56471994

Joaquin

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=56471847

Lucky in the rain part 2

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Lucky in the rain part 1

Yesterday I was driving along side the road. I saw garbage all over the place. I even saw a baby seat someone had just dumped at the road and a tire someone just dumped. It made me so irritated because THIS IS OUR EARTH. Don’t people realize we are destroying it. I think it is so sad and ridiculous when people say there is no such thing as global warming I mean LOOK AROUND PEOPLE. The pollution, the cancer, the auto immune diseases, the weather changes. This is all do to waste.

Another thing that is really bothering me that I honestly don’t get is all this hate and prejudice in the world. I feel like in some respects we have come a long way I think the evidence in that is having our first African-American president. I think it is amazing and a wonderful thing we’ve come this far. But, there is still prejudice and we still have a long way to go. Religions against other religions because they all believe there way is the only right way. Straights trying to take away the rights for gays to get married. and like Perez Hilton said civil union is NOT marriage. 30 years or so ago interracial couples where not even allowed to get married. And what about those people that where legally married and are now automatically annulled. That is so terrible and so sad for there families. How would you like your marriage to automatically by annulled or to be told you can not legally marry someone because of race, religion, or sexual orientation. It is despicable what our country is turning into. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE AMERICA. I love having freedoms and rights that people in other countries only dream of. I love that I can write this and have my own opinion. It’s sad that even women are still being discriminated against. Women still make less then men do in the same position and field. Women can only be career women or mothers but they can’t be both!? What kind of crap is that? Women can do anything and be anything just like Men. And yes one day we will have a woman as president. One day we will have a gay person as president. One day there will be no more discrimination. we will have a Jewish president. A Hindu president. Maybe even a Muslim president.

WE NEED TO COME TOGETHER AS ONE AND SAVE OUR HOME!

The other day M came into the store when she was giving back her things. She had a parliment cigg in her hand and then she went outside and smoked it. She is moving away. The whole thing was really quite sad. I’m still sad because I really wanted to be her friend and now I don’t know if I will ever see her again. I watched the movie the women last night it was really good. The only odd thing was that no matter where they went there was no men anywhere. When would that happen in real life? it wouldn’t. Which is a good thing because yes men can be confusing at times but you know we love them. I watched the movie Baby Mama it was funny. I think it had a cute ending. It made me want a baby lol. just kidding. I do want children but not until I’m married and in my late 20’s early 30’s. It’s a lot of responsibilty having kids and I think sometimes you see so many young people becoming parents and they just can’t handle the responsibilty. But then people wait until they are a lot older and it’s sad because then they can no longer have children or they want to look into other options but can’t afford them. So they give up the hope or dream of ever having children which breaks my heart.

I woke up this morning and did yoga and meditated. It was nice to quiet my mind first thing in the morning. It helped to give me energy since I was half asleep and didn’t want to get out of bed but I always feel better once I do. I had a smartones omelet type breakfast that was good. Then I went to church and the sermon was about turning our trials into gold. I think me and my family have been going through a lot of trials this last year. We almost lost our house, my boyfriend is not here, I’ve been battling depression. But, we won some of those fights and some like my depression I’m still battling but I know it’s something I have to go through. It’s a learning experince and I truly belive I’m growing from it. I have to go through the doors and deal with things. Maybe that’s why God put me back working for my aunt so I could deal with the abuse she caused me. Emotionally and mentally and spiritually. I haven’t heard from my man in a week but I’m not fretting he usually calls me a million times a week so I know he will call me when he can. I’m not going to fret and jump to conclusions. I feel like I’ve grown a lot this year and I’m really looking forward to the new year. Even if it does bring trials I am ready to face them it’s all a learning and growing and changing experience. I started cleaning today getting rid of some clutter I am going to start slowly and then I’ll have it cleaned by the time my fiance comes home so there is room for him when he moves in with me. It feels good to be getting rid of stuff. I’ve been holding onto the past for a long time and it’s time to get rid of things that I’m never going to use. It’s time to throw out all the diet books and love me for me and be healthy and not obsessed about being thin. It’s a year to get a good education and follow my heart and follow my dreams. This year I’m not giving up and I’m not giving in. This year I will find myself and love myself and get over the past and be happy and find out what being happy really feels like.

Today I went to the library and am going to watch the movie Ghost Town. I’ve been wanting to see that movie for a long time. I also got some new Cd’s Mariah Carey E=MC2 and Julie Roberts  Men and Mascara and Jessica simpson Do you know. I got a book called Chasing Harry Winston. I already started reading it. It’s pretty good so far. I can’t wait to finish it. I am gearing up for the blizzard that’s coming to illinois this week. More snow yuk! I’m tired of winter. It’s a pain to shovel. And it’s scary to drive in all that snow. Right now I’m watching the Bachelor I’m still rooting for Stephanie and I watched Gossip girl and am watching one tree hill. Then I’ll watch Ghost town and do some more reading. Then I’m gearing up for work tommorrow unless my boss tells me not to come into work which she does sometimes with the blizzard coming which is nice but this week I really need the money.

So, Today my DVR is not working. Actually it has not been working for the past two days. I’m going to break down and call the cable company tomorrow. I tried everything I could think of to fix it on my own and still nothing it’s not working. I was able to watch my shows tonight but it was annoying having to switch channels all night. I was watching the biggest loser on NBC and 90210 and Privileged on the WB. It’s funny I stopped watching the WB for a long time thinking most of the shows where for younger kids but am actually finding out that people in there 20s and over are addicted to the shows too. So I’m glad I’m not the only one. I was watching the view this morning and even they said they watched Gossip Girl sometimes. So it’s not just for teenage girls. I love the biggest loser but sometimes it makes me really sad when it’s not fair that the oldest person and the heavest person compete to see who leaves. I guess it’s the rules but sometimes I wish they would break them when they see people really need to stay. I mean they created the show they change things up all the time. Maybe it wouldn’t be fair to other contestants but sometimes it’s a fluke especially in the second week. But, at least they give them a chance to come back later on. I’m also mad at my laptop. For some reason that is not working. It’s been good all week and now tonight it’s not working so I’m typing this from my mom’s computer. Well hopefully it will be working tomorrow. Plus, I’m either sick with a cold or I’ve got really bad allergies so I’ve been drinking tea trying to rest as much as possible so after I type this I’m going to bed because I have to work tomorrow. I did today as well but there is not much to say about that. Hopefully everything will be better tomorrow.

I called to see about fixing my DVR and it’s broken I need to get a new one. The girl that I saw in the summer time came into the store again today. She lifted my spirits and seemed like my angel then. It’s weird but I remember how she came in with her fake tattoo and said it represented her 5 loves. I don’t remember them at this point. She was almost frost bitten today. I rememberd her and wanted to say something but I was in the middle of helping another customer and my aunt was there so I didn’t feel comftorable saying anything. But, my aunt did give her a scarf and some mittens to put on she said she would be back to return them so maybe I can say something then. I doubt she even remembers me to tell you the truth. But her kindess meant a lot to me then and it still does. I did not even think I would see her again but I did. Maybe it’s fate and we are meant to be friends or maybe it was just chance and I won’t see her again. She might not have even realized what store she was walking into when she did it. Or maybe she did. But, then I knew it was her for sure when she said “have a beautiful day” last time when she left she said “have a beautiful day my love.”

Yay! Tonight was the season primer for the bachelor. Jason is a really cool guy and I wish him the best of luck on finding his brand new bride. I’m really rooting for Stacia and Stephanie they both have kids and they seem so darn to earth and genuine. Sadly I missed the last half as my DVR started acting up like it does sometimes. Oh well I guess I’ll find out whaat happend last week. I’m gearing up for work tommorrow I’m not looking forward to it and I want to wake up and be excited about what I’m doing even if it is temporary. Working for my aunt is not really my thing although some of the regular customers who come in are really kind. But, I need to do something that I enjoy. I feel like my life is becoming less dull and more me so I need a job that reflects that as well. And where I can work with people around my own age. I watched the movie smart people is was interesting. It was sort of like a romantic comedy but odd. I love Sarah Jessica Parker and Ellen Page is a really good actress she was amazing in Juno. I’m gearing up to take the constitution test and register for the GED soon. I hope I can see my boyfriend soon I’m going to aim to visit him on my birthday. So I’m watching gossip girl or was before my laptop started acting up on me too and now I’m using my mom’s computer. But, then I have to write a letter for an appointment tommorrow and I’m off to bed since I’ll be up at 7 AM yuck.

I was at work today cleaning. Vacumming dust mites is not my idea of my ideal job. So when I was at work I came up with a plan which is funny because I always seem to come up with plans. Yet they don’t always work out but this time I am determined. I am going to go to the library and study for the consitution and take the test by the end of January, I will visit my fiance and take my GED in Febuary or March, I am going to register for summer classes at college because I want to get started as soon as possible and my friend D said she will probably be starting at the same college in the summer time, and I will apply for other jobs because I can’t see myself working in antiques the rest of my life with an aunt who is always bossing me around. Plus, I got some bad news today that my friend M is moving back to california. She is more of an aquantance who came into the store and bought a bunch of things who me and my aunt had dinner with one time. But, she is really cool she is a singer/songwriter and we have a lot in common so I really saw her as being a potential friend. On the bright side she will be back in spring but I’m not sure I will still be working for my aunt by then. I was watching the biggest loser which I love. But it was so sad that they sent some people home early. I always hate when someone has to go on that show because even though it is a game they are trying to get better and get healthy. But, they are right a majority of people need to lose weight at home on there own and it is really hard. I’ve lost weight on my own many times unfortunately I’ve gained it back. Right now I’m not really focusing on my weight just eating right and exercising when I can even if it’s only for 10 minutes. But, I think weight watchers and Jenny Craig are really good plans I’ve heard they work and are fairly inexpensive compared to some other plans like nutrisystem is supposed to be really expensive. I’m going to look up the biggestloserclub.com I’m just curious about it since I love the show and the people seem to lose weight and a majority keep it off but it is never easy no matter what program you choose.

So, it’s Wednesday that means that the week is almost through. I had another day of vacuuming and cleaning. I guess that is my job after all. My allergies are killing me right now at this time of year. I’m sure working around dust doesn’t help. M came in the store today and returned most of what she bought the small things and put the furniture in storage but she is giving my aunt the key so she can get into it to sell the furniture. She told us why she is moving back to California. It’s because her landlady was not the greatest and that she was having all these problems with the house. I am going to miss her though I really thought we could be friends. Well, maybe there is still hope but I know she is more friends with my aunt then me. Well, I’m off to eat dinner before I pass out from hunger. Until tomorrow…

My aunt is on this whole end of the world rampage. It reminds me of how in 2000 everyone said that it would be the end of the world but then Jan 1 2000 came and it was NOT the end of the world. Now everyone is saying December 2012 is going to be the end of the world. But, I think when Jan 1st 2013 comes people will see that is not true. Maybe it will start then but I am choosing to trust the Lord and not get obsessed about this stuff. I take it all with a grain of salt. It’s more important to live your life to the fullest right now and now dwell and obsess about what could or might not happen in the future. It’s exhausting to worry so much and in the end what good does it do? It even says in the bible to live for today and not dwell on tomorrow. I’ve got too much life to live to focus on this end of the world stuff. Enough with the end of the world stuff!!!!

Today I had the day off. It was nice to be able to sleep in. Last night when I came home from work my cat had knocked down my tv and the table it was on. He is ok and so is my tv. It has a crack in it but it works. The table is broken though. I rented the movie the women I’ve been wanting to see that movie. I’m anxious to watch it. I got Natasha Bedingfields cd Pocketful of sunshine I really love her song “soulmate” that’s my favorite song. I watched Ghost whisperer that show it getting bloodier. I don’t like it as much as I used to. I am still debating weather I like this whole sam idea. I mean it’s a good twist and if they fall in love again it will be a good romance twist to watch. FYI Adding gore does not help the show. It used to be more about relationships with the ghost element. I watched Lipstick Jungle. I like Nico with Kirby which is the way it ended up I think but her boss had a strange attitude about the whole thing I mean do people really act like that in real life. I hope Victory and Joe get married. And yes I really do have too much time on my hands.