they say that crows can lead you to your true love. I just heard a crow outside making noise like crazy. Which, is funny because my fiance is over here right now. So, I belive I’ve found my soulmate in so many ways.

I’m excited about holloween already. I haven’t done anything for it in ages. I’m thinking of being marilyn manroe or a playboy bunny or both if I have two parties to go to. But, for the first time in a long time i’m actually excited about it.

I know this girl that tried to break us up misses his friendship because he was her best friend but he was mine too and my man for 7 years so I know what she feels but she should have thought about that before she did what she did I feel bad but what goes around comes around

I was working all day today and didn’t get off work till 6:00 PM then I had to run errands I talked to my boyfriends mom and she is seeing him tommorrow I was going to go with but I don’t want to impose and she said about seeing him on sunday and I asked if she would mind taking me too and she said of course not so I hope that works out and I’ll call saturday if I don’t hear from her before then I went to bakers square for dinner I haven’t been there in ages and I stopped by my art class but didn’t stay because I was too exhausted hopefully next week I can start I think I’ll start by sketching a picture of linda strawberry I really like her music and she is an artist too so I think it would be neat to draw a picture of her or try to anyway and I want to draw a fairy picture and a picture of my boyfriend. Then I can color them in or paint them or something.

I feel like I still have a million things to do tonight but I’m too exhausted so I’ll just have to wait and have a million things to do tommorrow. Then saturday I’m working all day and sunday hopefully seeing my man and if not then I plan on going to church.

I’m wondering how my boyfriend is doing and how today went for him. His mom was going to see him today but only for a little bit. I just told her to tell him that I know he has been trying to call and i’m trying to get my phone systems set up so I can recive collect calls and pre pay for that I was hoping to get it set up by wensday but now it looks like it won’t be set up till friday because I had to give my family money for gas we are spending 100 dollars on gasoline in 1 week it’s ridiculous so I will have to wait till I get paid on saturday and next thursday then friday I was going to put money on my debit card and set it up so I should talk to him hopefully friday night

I feel like I still have a million things to do today and the rest of this week I think the reason why the neighbor didn’t come to the party last saturday was because he went to church and then had to work which is undrstandable but I still haven’t spoken with him since a week in a half ago which sucks they neighbors are coudial with me but they are not overly friendly with me and I would love to be friends with him but I don’t have high hopes that even that will happen I can’t count on anyone these days or so it seems

Soon I’m going to be working 4 jobs. I’m still going to be pet sitting/dog walking working at the store and now i’m going to be house cleaning and if the modeling thing takes off and works out I’ll be doing that too

My boyfriend called me tonight but I missed it but he is usually persistent so hopefully he calls me back I’m axious sitting here hoping he calls me soon and this computer is so slow tonight I think i’m going to scream and I had dinner and now I’m eating wheat thins the regular I want to try the pamisian basil ones and I like the big ones and the honey ones.

I love this pink dress Gwen is Wearing. She is such a rocker chick and it fits her style and personality so well. I do not want to have a traditional wedding because that is just not me. I have a dress that’s blue it runs in the family and it is so beautiful plus, it’s not the traditional white which, I think is awesome. You are only suppossed to wear white if you are a virgin but almost no one is yet still everyone wears white. I really don’t understand that. At least wear a cream or off white color. I am going to see if I can find pink wedding dress like gwens too.

The top songs I want to play at my wedding are: I want to walk down the aisle to when your gone from avril lavigne. I love that song and it reminds me of my relationship so much. The way I feel when my man is not around. I do not want to walk down the aisle to hear comes the bride it’s way too traditional for me. I want to play the pussycat dolls music to dance too. I had a dream about that. I want to play Katherine Mcphees Love story and Home. Probably some Mariah Carey I love her song “yours”. Because I will be his and I will take his last name. It’s traditional but romantic. The rest I’ll have to wait and see.

I want the flowers to be roses all sorts of colors. Red for passion pink for love and yellow for friendship because we were friends and still are.

I’ve been so busy lately working and yesterday was my uncles birthday party. It was a surprise and he had a wonderful time. Today was his actual birthday but he celebreated that with just family and close friends. It wasn’t as big as yesterday was. But all in all I’ve had a blast these few days but I’m exhausted from it all.

I still haven’t been able to use the computer hardley because it
s still been broken. I’m not ignoring people just busy and dealing with a broken computer that has viruses and spyware on it oh dear.

I can’t wait to post the pictures iv’e taken from the party and the past few days. I just hope the computer is working better by then. Otherwise it might be a while before I get those up.

I’m working on thursday and saturday in case I can’t get on by then and sunday I might be going to church with my neighbor who is very cute but really shy. Maybe even more then me. But, I would love to be friends and just hang out. It seems like we have a lot in common and he is super sweet.

I haven’t heard from my man since we last spoke but that’s because he is away and probably hasn’t gotten my letter yet. I hope to visit him still on friday maybe. also saturday is yom kuppur your supossed to wear all white and restrict from eating except for a little bit and sex and drinking and everything. I don’t think you are even supossed to work but I can’t get the day off. But, i’m hoping maybe later I can go to a service or something.

My godfather was supossed to come to the party and didn’t I was hoping to see him because his birthday is next week so I think I’m going to have to mail his card to him.

I guess my boyfriend has been trying to call me. But, my phone is not set up for collect calls so I have to pre pay the minumum is 50 dollars but I’m broke this week so I have to wait till the end of the week when I get paid and it probably won’t be set up till sometime next week. Then the rest of my money will probably go to my grandma for gas. Then the next week I need to get my film developed and probably help my mom and grandma out some more.

I’m just sitting at home today happy I have today and tommorrow off then thursday it’s back to work and maybe taking my art class And calling my boyfriends mom unless I hear from her first to see about going with on friday saturday is yom kuppur I’ll wear all white I have to work blah but I’ll try to get to a service later on and sunday I was hoping to go to church with my neighbors.

Each grain of sand is hard, scratchy. It’s rough. Not so pretty. But put all those grains together, all those rough parts, and you have this beautiful beach. This smooth, soft, great beach. When it gets crazy, we have to put the sand together. Take back our own beach. I love you. We’ll keep ourselves on the shore, even when the water’s rough.” Well me and my ex are back together. I finally was able to talk to him. We worked out our problems. But it was like I suspected. It was that bitch out of jealousy im sure of course she told him it was because she thought I was depressing him and his family too but it’s the oppisite. Me and his family are the people that know him better then anyone and we are the ones that are always there for him and the ones that make him happy. She was pretending to be him and stuff hacking into his e-mail account. ugh. I guess he found out and was going to tell me but then all this stuff happend to him and I didn’t find out till today. Our love is like sand and we’ve been through a lot of rough stuff but it’s like they say love keeps two people together. So this rough patch is over for now at least. I haven’t been on the computer in a while because my computer has been broken. It’s working now but I’m not sure for how long to tell you the truth. I have to work all day again tommorrow which sucks and I have a headache from this computer but later I will be taking some art classes with my old teacher so I’m excited about that. I got my hair done too I really like it and when I take pictures and get them developed or load them if I use a digital camera I’ll post them. happy rosh hoshanna everyone. It’s a brand new year tonight in the jewish calenndar. I hope it’s a good year. I worked all day today and was going to go to the art class but couldn’t make it. I will try to go to it next week. I’m eager to get back into my art work. I heard from my boyfriends mom again and she said she didn’t go to court either today but she is still eager to visit him and so am I. She says she will call me again when she knows something. I told her I wrote him a letter and she was shocked I got it done so fast but she said it would be good for him when he get’s it. I guess he still hasn’t gotten his list or he just hasn’t put anyone on it but he has a money order now so he can get paper and envelopes and whatever else he needs. Plus, when he get’s my letter he will see that me and his mom want to visit him so he will at least put us on the list I hope. I’m thinking about asking my neighbor if he wants to meet me at my uncles b-day party. My aunt said I could. My mom asked if he would feel comftorable although he is probably working that day anyway. I know he also goes to church on sunday I have to help with the party though. My mom said I might just be better off asking him if he wants to go to a movie sometime. I’ll see. I’m not listening to music right now because I’m worried my computer will go off. But, I will try in a minute. I haven’t been on reverbnation in ages because of my computer but whatever.

linda strawberry’s new video someone which I really like and I can relate to it. About finding someone and being sad and all. It’s a really beautiful song I like it a lot.

I’m going to call my ex’s mom again tonight and have some dinner. I’m pretty mellow tonight. I won’t be on the computer quite so much anymore though because of it not working so well and because of being really busy and just not having the time to get on it so much. But, I will try my best to come on it once a day but that will be the most right now so yeah. I just called my ex’s mom and no one answered. I guess I’ll try one more time tonight. I still haven’t had any dinner but I’m sure I will soon.

http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=Rs9WK…

I’m listening to someone from linda strawberry.

First thing this morning I was cleaning my stuff that was in the basement. Then I saw my neighbor and maybe she was in a rush but she didn’t even say hi to me and I know she saw me. Of course I didn’t say hi either I was going to but she went back inside so fast I didn’t really have a chance to. Then me and my mom got into an argument. But, I got to work and it was a long day. I got starbucks though and that got me through and I went to caribu coffee and got this acaci juice and it’s pretty good actually. This lady came in the store today and had this really good smelling perfume on so I asked her and she told me the brand and said it had been discontinued but my aunt had some so I got two bottles of it. But, since you can’t get it anymore I have to be careful when I use it. I don’t want to waste it. The bottles actually belonged to this one model which is funny cause I have all her clothes too cause I fit into them. Then we decorated the window of the store. But now I’m really tired.

I didn’t hear from my ex’s mom yet about seeing him so if I don’t hear from her tonight I’m going to call tommorrow. I know she get’s really busy with kids and grand kids. i’m listening to mariah carey.

When I had the flood my bible go ruined in the storm. But, my kabbalah books got saved and my red string which is a form of Judaism’s that’s what madonna practices for like 9 or 10 years. I’ve been studying it for 7 years. And my wiccan books and stuff got saved and my buddhism books and stuff got saved. so maybe it’s a sign from a higher power. Also, my art work and guitar got saved. My writings and songs got ruined but these past few months I feel like I’ve grown so much and I have so many more things to write about now. I feel like I’m going from being a catipiler to a butterfly and transforming so much. I feel like for the first time in a long time I’m finally evolving and becoming myself. Maybe I already knew who I was inside but now I am actually expressing that. I want to bring this new person to life and care for her because she is me.

http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=iG1TW…

I’m listening to mariah carey butterfly

First one of my ex’s friends e-mails me and calls me telling me it’s over between me and my ex. I never actually heard it from his mouth mind you except for the one e-mail. She’s just jealous I think. Now today I get an e-mail from a stranger calling me ugly when she dosen’t even know me. I think she’s just jealous of me. One girl told me I was ugly today when 10 men told me I was HOT. So I’m going to belive the 10 guys and ignore the bitch that’s just jealous of me. So, if you are jealous weather you know me or not stop hating and keep your opinions to yourself.

I haven’t heard back from my ex’s mom yet about seeing him. But, I know she get’s really busy. I’m working tommorrow anyway but I’m hoping I hear from her before Friday. If not then I’ll give her a call cause I was thinking about visting him sunday or monday and she was gonna come with so we don’t take the other persons time away from them. Cause he wants to see me and I want to see him too.

I have to work all day tommorrow and I have a headache it’s been such a stressful and annyoing day today. I’m lisening to linda strawberry reckless heart.

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j254/Foxystina17/getoffmybackbitchlindastrawberryadd.jpg

I’d give my all for him tonight. Once I get off the computer I have to clean my stuff off that was in the basement and change my clothes. Then I think I’ll have some dinner and a drink but I don’t want to drink too much since I have to work tommorrow. I don’t wanna go with a hangover. lol. Then saturday I don’t know what I’m doing. Sunday or monday I think I’m gonna see my ex cause he said he wants to see me I don’t know why though. To talk I guess. To explain everything I suppose. And then tuesday I’m finally getting my hair done I’m so excited. Next week I got to make the linda strawberry music video so I can send that in and post it on you tube and in my blogs and on my sites. and next week I also have to get my film developed and buy new film and get the batteries for my camera. The 13th I might be going to my ex court date I don’t know for sure yet if he will even want me there but if he does then I will be. And the 15th I have to help set up for my uncles birthday party. The 16th is his birthday it starts at 1 and will probably be an all day and night kind of thing. I have so much to do today and these next few weeks coming up. After that I’ll be working and who knows what else. http://www.youtube.c om/watch?v=4SvA9… I’m smoking cigarettes drinking wine and listening to smashing pumpkins and mariah carey. I’m listening to lindsay rush. How are you gonna explain how you could leave me and never say goodbye. All I want is some closure and a reason why. I guess I’m gonna get my explenation in a few days. But, I’m kind of scared to know why. I’m scared to face you but I guess I’m gonna see your handsome face again. Oh how will I deny it? I don’t think I can. And I’m so scared.